She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
