"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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