Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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