we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i've created a new STD.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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