it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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