so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
