i jhust puked up my retainher.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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