So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
