why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
