why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize