so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
