just come out here and I will go home with you...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
