I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
