woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Will exercising make me less horny?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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