Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
