i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
