i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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