i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
