Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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