Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
