Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
