the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
