her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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