We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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