I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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