Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
