Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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