Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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