my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
