I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
