My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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