Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
