am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
