Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
