I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
