that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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