I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
