u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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