have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
