I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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