I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
