And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
