You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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