Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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