Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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