@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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