i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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