So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
