This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
