Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
