His hands were made for my vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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