haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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