3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
