Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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