I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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