i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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