I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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