Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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